Lesson 15

Last week I went on a J-date.
It lasted for two hours.
We talked about bagels for a good 15 minutes.
That’s how you know it was a J-date
And then the night was called.

Neither of us have made contact with each other since.

Not a bad date.
Just a lack of connection.
These things happen.

But, being the adoration-craving, over-thinker that I am, in the week since said date, I have been tracking through the things that I said and did in confusion as to why he wouldn’t be in love with ME?!
I have problems.
I know.
We are all aware of this.
I’ve been on enough dates in my life to realise that sometimes things don’t work out.
Sometimes you get one date with a person and that’s it.
Sometimes that’s annoying.
Or frustrating.
Or upsetting.
Sometimes that’s one date too many.
But that’s the game we play.
The numbers game.

As I’ve mentioned once or twice, I’m an actor.
First dates and general auditions aren’t completely dissimilar.
Well, that is to say, they are…
But to me, in terms of what I bring to the table, they’re not.
I bring the chatty, smiley, “Best Tash” I can find.
And, just like occasionally happens in auditions, sometimes I pitch it wrooooong.

Upon reflection, that was last week.

Instead of chatty, I became rambly.
Because I wasn’t particularly fussed about the date in the first place, I had an air of complacency that can’t have been attractive.
I did the opposite of what you should do in an improvisational scene – I blocked.
In impro, if someone offers something in a conversation, your job is to say “yes and…”
I did not do this either.
I blocked.
That’s a textbook “no” in the acting game.
It wasn’t a great move on the date either.
I should point out also, these blocks were not necessary, they were just me failing to read the room.
In auditions, there’s a theory of “it’s the auditions you don’t care about/want that you book.”
I guess I was hoping that would translate to life too.
It didn’t.

I don’t think I said or did anything particularly offensive or inappropriate, but the interesting thing has been realising the moments when I was not the winning personality that we all know I can be.

Let me be clear – I wasn’t thinking we’d had some kind of phenomenal connection either.
I would have texted him if I did.
But it has been another incident of self-reflection leading to epiphany.
And we all know what that in turn leads to…

Lesson 15

So what have I learnt?
Don’t be a dick.
And I am COMPLETELY referring to myself here.
You know how to listen to people.
So do it!
You know how to be yourself – not some presentation of yourself.
So be that!

It’s not a deep lesson.
But it is an important one.

I don’t know that there’s a lot more that I can say about this lesson either.

When meeting people – whether you love them or not – remember that they are valuable individuals.
They have their own valid thoughts and opinions (I mean, if they’re Trump supporters, I may have less emphasis on the word “valid” in that sentence, but still…) and it’s important to remember that.

And if you have the right not to fall for them, they have equal rights to reciprocate that.
You don’t need everyone in the world to worship you.
Even if you are Rabbit Ash!




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