Let’s do it.
We’re broaching that topic.
Those beardy, people I’m often slightly obsessed by…
… Although, yes, sometimes I like the non-beardies too…
We all knew this was coming.
Tash and her dating foibles.
It’s been a lifetime of adventures…
And now, now, NOW, it all comes together for THIS.
It’s no news to most that I’m partial to a handsome lad.
Sometimes a not so handsome lad.
As long as he’s sexy…
And I do love going on a date.
I love a good story that comes from a date – good, bad or otherwise.
The time has come.
Let’s start generally…
Let me talk about the fun of a J-Tash (that’s ME!) dating (more often than not) a non-J-male person…
It’s worked pretty well for me so far!
There are soooooooooooooo many more options to choose from!
Ha! – I jest. There are plenty of J-options too. Just fewer of them seem to interest me…
So (up until fairly recently) I haven’t gone out actively seeking men of my tribe.
… Once in a while I have found one anyway and that has been a delight! Hi fellas – you know who you are…!
And sure Ruthy and Big Al have – on occasion – played the “when are you going to date a Jewish man?” card (yes, ok, Big Al, it’s MOSTLY been Ruthy asking this question), but, other than that, they have known better and kept out of it all.
So this leads me to the question I am most asked from other people – friends, strangers, women on the street – when they find out I am Jewish. It is always “so how would your parents feel about you marrying a non-Jew?”
Let’s put the assumption that in this day and age, it’s still expected that I WILL end up married to one side...
Or that, at this stage in my life, I am dating with the sole purpose of marriage…
How would they feel?
What would my marriage have to do with my parents..?
Never, ever, ever, not ONCE has someone opened with the “how do you feel about the idea of marrying out?”
My answer is generally something along the lines of:
“My siblings both married out, so based solely on precedent, my parents can’t disown me.
(Because, let’s face it, that’s what people are basically trying to ask me – “Will Ruthy and Big Al rip their clothes and wail to the heavens if you marry a goy?”)
But I think they may be disappointed for me because they know that it is my preference to marry in.”
Because – hello! – it’s MY life we’re discussing.
But, let me say that my preference is, just that: A preference.
A hypothetical one at that.
Firstly, who knows if I’ll EVER be in the position to consider a lifelong commitment to someone, let alone a marriage?!
Secondly, who’s to say that I must marry whomever I am in a relationship with?
Thirdly, how often do people ask you about your parents’ feelings toward you marrying a particular person or type of person..?
For me (because I can only speak from what I know and feel – and I am not judging anyone else’s choices in partner) it just seems like the ideal situation.
If I were to start a family with someone, that’s the way I’d like it to be.
From a shared cultural background.
Not because I have firm beliefs in some omnipotent, invisible being.
Not because I expect my partner to.
But just because.
And, you know what? That’s as much reason as I need to share with the general blogosphere.
But I come back to this interest that people have in my hypothetical future.
Is it because people are fascinated by J-culture?
Or because they’re so preoccupied by marriage?
Or is it just because my life – and Ruthy and Big Al as characters within it – is soooooooooooo fascinating?
… Obviously I’m assuming it’s the latter, but that’s just because I’m such a fantastically self-centred creature!
What do we take away this week?
Although I never shy away from people’s questions about my faith and culture – because I believe that an openness is important in defeating prejudices – perhaps it’s worth reflecting on the questions we are most oft asked and ask ourselves… Why?
The foundation of my faith and culture (at least, as I was taught it) was in asking this question:
Why? Why? Why? (“Deliiiiiilah!” – sorry, couldn’t resist)
It encourages thinking.
It encourages expression.
It encourages investigation.
“Why do we eat the things we do and leave the things we don’t?”
“Why do we value education so highly?”
“Why do we celebrate so many festivals?”
Last week, I asked for your help – by way of the questions you’d like answered by Rabbit Ash – and this post is not meant in direct contradiction of that… so please do take me up on this!
Let’s all question things.
Let’s all question me.
But remember, I am blogging from The Shul of Tash…
Meaning that questions about my life are best directed to..?
Tash! (that’s me, guys!)
If you have Ruthy and Big Al questions, perhaps I can connect you with them instead..?