Lesson Ten

Ok.
We’ve discussed the marriage thing.
Done.

But I’m not really in the “ready to marry” phase of my life yet.
I’m in the “good at dating” phase.
I’m definitely there.
Been there a while.
Let’s say that I live there.

And so, because of that very address, the most common #askrabbitash questions so far have been about dating tips/advice…

So.
Tash is gonna…
Shul them boys.
For the first time, at least!
Because, let’s face it, we all know that this is going to be a recurring thing!

Please note:
This is NOT going become a naming and shaming exercise.
Because:
a) Those needing shaming won’t be reading this.
b) I’m too classy for that anyway.
c) Those dot points should possibly be the other way around…
d) I don’t want to put off any future suitors!
e) Point D should definitely be first…

Let me ALSO clarify that I’m not pretending to be some “I speak for all women and all women say this” kinda guru…
These are purely my thoughts, my opinions, my teachings.
You’re welcome.

So.
Let us begin.

The “I-don’t-want-a-relationship” rules.

Let me preface this by saying that I have NO problem with this attitude.
I too have played the “I-don’t-want-a-relationship” game…
But, it’s the ways in which this game has been played with me that I’m taking to task.

Player #1
Oh, hi Tash! You’re so lovely! Let’s hang out!
Tash
You’re lovely too! Yay! Hanging out!
Player #1
We sure do hang out a lot when I’m in town. People keep referring to you as my girlfriend.
Tash
Yeah. And I have probably developed some feelings for you. Should I move to where you live and we can ACTUALLY date?
Player #1
Woah. NO! I don’t want a relationship [with you]!

CUT TO:
Player #1 embarking on a relationship with someone else – making a baby and all.

WRONG WAY TO PLAY THE GAME.

Moving on to…

Player #2
Oh, hi Tash! You’re so lovely! Let’s hang out!
Tash
You’re lovely too! Yay! Hanging out!
Player #2
Before we hang out tooooooo much, let me just say – I don’t want a relationship right now. I’m not in the right place for that.
Tash
That’s totally fine. I respect your honesty. Thank you. Shall we hang out casually anyway?
Player #2
Yes. Let’s do that.

CUT TO:
Player #2 and Tash hanging out so much it no longer feels casual.
Tash develops feelings she doesn’t discuss.
It ends BADLY.

WRONG WAY TO PLAY THE GAME.

Moving on to…

Player #3
Oh, hi Tash! You’re so lovely! Let’s hang out!
Tash
You’re lovely too! Yay! Hanging out!
Player #3
Let’s go out on dates, but they’re not going to go anywhere because I don’t want a relationship.
Tash
There’s no point in “dating” if you’re not looking for that. Thanks for your honesty, but I’ve learnt my lesson from previous attempts at this game.
So I’m backing off.

CUT TO:
Two years later, when Player #3 (who is in another relationship) claims that when he said he “didn’t want a relationship” Tash should have known that she could change his mind.

WRONG WAY TO PLAY THE GAME.

So…
What have we learnt?

Lesson Ten

If you do not want a relationship, this is fine.
Be clear.
If you do want a relationship, this is fine.
Be clear.
If you feel like the lines are blurring, then…
Reassess the situation.
Or…
Make them clearer!

What does Rabbit Ash do to keep it clear?
Well…
If I am in an I-don’t-want-a-relationship kinda relationship, then I do not:
– go on “dates”
– make out like he’s my “boyfriend”
– claim, in hindsight, that I did want a relationship with said male
Make sense?

Simple rules for happier people.
#casualrules
#casualdonesimple

Don’t forget…
I’m still taking requests for #tashtheories – let me know which lessons you need in your syllabus!

#yourewelcome
#askrabbitash
#nextplayerplease
#jewsandgentileswelcome

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